For Granted
by mycookiegirl
Summary: Darry thinks about all the times he took Ponyboy for granted


**For Granted**

 **I do not own The Outsiders. S.E. Hinton does :)**

When Sodapop was born, mom and dad told me that I had a big responsibility: to take care of my baby brother. As soon as I laid eyes on my first little brother, I knew that I'd take care of him forever.

Two years later, Ponyboy, my second little brother was born. After Soda's fifth birthday, he hated being referred to as my _baby_ brother, but Ponyboy didn't mind; he was three after all.

But mom didn't have any more children, so Pony was always going to be my baby brother, even as an adult. By the time he was ten, he was sick of the nickname, but I didn't care; he was always going to be my baby brother.

However, when I turned fifteen, _I_ started to get sick of him being the baby.

A few boys on the football team were selected to go on a trip to New York. I was beyond excited, and couldn't wait to tell mom and dad. I completely ignored the worried glances they were giving me throughout my speech on how only a few boys were selected and I was one of them!

Dad cleared his throat and stepped forward, but I thought nothing of it at the time.

"Darry," he said, "I know this trip is important to you, and I'm so proud of you for earning it, but you can't go," I felt as if my whole world had been torn apart when he said that.

"Why?" I croaked, fighting back the tears of frustration that were threatening to fall from my icy-blue eyes.

"Ponyboy broke his leg at school today. It was really bad, and he's also dislocated his arm. He won't be out for another week. When's this trip?" he asked.

"We leave on Wednesday," I answered.

"Which is in two days. I'm sorry, Darry, but there's nobody to look after Soda, which means you'll have to do it," dad responded sympathetically.

I felt a sudden anger spark in me. Why did Ponyboy have to ruin everything?

"Why can't he stay in the hospital by himself? How did he do it anyway? How stupid is he?!" I ranted. Mom put her hand on my shoulder, silently telling me to calm down.

"Pony's only eight, Darry. You know how scared he is; he needs his parents there with him," she explained, but I was too angry to care.

I think that was the first time I'd ever truly taken my baby brother for granted. He could have been seriously hurt, and the doctors said he was lucky that he could walk again. I was too bothered about the trip that I couldn't be bothered thinking about my baby brother, but I guess we all did it, right?

After mom and dad died, I became Pony and Soda's legal guardian. I was so happy that we could all stay together, and for the first few weeks we all got along, but everything changed when Pony came home with a C on his report card.

"What the heck is this, Ponyboy? You know the state checks this right? How's this gonna look when the social worker comes?!" I screamed, ignoring his pout.

"I'm sorry," was all he said.

"You're sorry," I chuckled bitterly. "If these grades don't come up by your next report card, you're dropping out of track. You're also grounded until these grades improve," I told him. His jaw dropped.

"But the next report card doesn't come out for another two months!" he cried, tears slipping from his eyes. I stared at him unemotionally.

"Well then, ask your principal if he can change it _after_ you start working harder. If not, you'll be sorry," I stated, and then left him in the living room crying.

At the time, I didn't feel bad for him. But looking back on it, I remembered coming home with worse grades than him sometimes, and mom and dad didn't give me punishments as cruel as this. I suppose I was worried about the state finding out, but of course Pony didn't see it that way and I wish that I'd made it clearer to him.

I think Pony learnt his lesson after the punishment though, because I never saw a bad grade on his report card again.

XXX

A few months before my baby brother turned fourteen, I started seeing a girl who was named Martha hanging around the grocery store where I went shopping.

She was taller than most girls who I had met (though not as tall as I was), but she was also a little chubbier than most girls who I had met. I didn't care though; she seemed nice. She also had a little brother named Kyle who was Pony's age, and I had a feeling they would get along great.

After I had started spending more time with Martha though, I didn't realize that I was taking my brothers for granted, more specifically Ponyboy.

Sodapop was hardly ever in the house; he was usually with Sandy or Steve. He understood how I felt about Martha since he had been dating Sandy for over a year, however Pony had never been on a date in his life and started feeling neglected whenever I chose Martha over him.

To make matters worse, I started choosing sides with Kyle whenever he and Ponyboy had an argument. I think it was because I didn't want to annoy Martha; she was my girlfriend and not just some silly kid like my little brother. I was so selfish, but at the time the thought never popped into my head.

One day when Martha and I were getting _very_ intimate on the sofa, we both suddenly heard something crash. It sounded like a plate, and since Soda was out with Sandy, Evie and Steve, it could have only been Pony or Kyle who had made the noise.

I took no time in rushing to the kitchen, and the sight I was greeted with confused and angered me. Ponyboy and Kyle were rolling around the floor, punching each other as hard as they could. Ponyboy had a split lip and Kyle had a broken nose. One of them had tried to hit the other one with a plate, which had made the crashing sound.

"What on earth is going on in here?!" I bellowed.

Both boys stopped hitting each other and gazed up at me with wide eyes. Martha came running in, and like me she was shocked at the sight.

"Kyle! Oh my, what happened?!" she cried.

My next actions were so quick, and I regret them so much now. I grabbed my baby brother by the collar of his shirt and hurled him up from the ground. He whimpered in pain, but I just dragged him to his and Soda's bedroom and threw him inside.

"You're grounded!" I shouted, and if I hadn't have been so angry then I would have comforted him as soon as I heard him start crying. I didn't comfort him, and just went to find Martha and Kyle.

"Let's get some ice, huh, buddy?" I said gently to Kyle, and Martha smiled at me.

That night, I heard Pony crying and Soda comforting him.

"Does he love Kyle more than me and you?" he sobbed, and Soda hushed him and told our baby brother that he was wrong.

I ran my fingers through my hair and groaned; I had taken him for granted once again.

XXX

Ponyboy was due to turn fourteen in exactly a month, and he was really excited, as was the rest of the gang. Pony and I hadn't talked about the fight he had with Kyle since the day it happened; I ungrounded him and he didn't argue with Kyle anymore.

He had a track meet coming up, and I promised I would be there, but then I got a call from Martha.

"Darry, would you like to come out with me for lunch? It'll be quick, and I haven't seen you in ages," she whined down the line, and I chuckled.

"I don't know. You've been avoiding me lately," I teased, completely forgetting about Pony.

"Well then this will make it up to you," she replied simply, and I couldn't argue.

We went out and ate, and then went back to her place. Kyle was still at school, so we had plenty of time to do what _we_ wanted.

"You know, I'm still kinda upset that you've been ignoring me. I think I need something more," I grinned, raising my eyebrows.

Martha just laughed, tugging her ash brown hair so that it wasn't tied up anymore. It was a little messy, which made my smile grow wider.

" _After_ I shower," she smirked, unbuttoning her jacket and dropping it to the floor. She left for the bathroom, leaving me staring after her.

I dropped onto the sofa, staring at the pictures that were framed all over the wall. Martha and Kyle lived with their grandma, but after their grandpa died their grandma was hardly ever in the house, leaving Martha to babysit Kyle most of the time.

I wondered if she felt as stressed as I did; did she have to make sure that Kyle's grades were ace? Did she have to remind him to use his head a lot? Did she have to remember to go to important things such as his track meets?

" _Uh-Oh,_ " I thought, remembering Pony's track meet. Looking at the clock, I saw that I had missed most of it already. How could I have forgotten?

Martha emerged from the shower wrapped in a white towel. Her hair was dripping wet, soaking the wooden floor.

"I'm sorry, Martha; I really need to go," I rambled, hoping I wasn't too late. Martha frowned and shook her head fiercely, soaking the floor even more.

"But I'm ready for you now," she pouted, and I smiled slightly.

"I promised Pony that I'd be at one of his track meets, and I've missed most of it," I explained. I was expecting her to understand, since she had a little brother of her own, but she didn't.

"It's always about _him_ isn't it? Well that's fine, see if I care," she spat, and stormed off to her bedroom.

I blinked for a second, shocked at what had just happened. Did she really think that of Pony?

My thoughts were disrupted when the clock chimed 3 pm. Just great; I'd missed the whole damn thing!

"Dammit!" I shouted, running out of the house. There was no point in going to the school since the track meet had ended, but when I saw Pony marching down the sidewalk I was taken aback. The track meet had only just finished…how had he gotten ten minutes away from school already?

Pony gasped after I cleared my throat. He looked wary when I approached him, and I was confused. Why did he feel wary of me? Then it hit me.

"Ponyboy Michael Curtis! Did you skip your track meet?!" I hollered. Pony turned red when Kyle came bounding down the sidewalk, a triumphant grin on his face.

" _Pony's in trouble!_ " he sang delightedly, and then skipped off to his house.

I waited for Ponyboy to answer me, but he kept his mouth firmly closed. He didn't look at me, which made me even angrier. I threw my arms up in frustration.

"Well?!" I shouted. My baby brother's head snapped up, but he didn't look upset; he looked enraged.

"I waited for you, Darry! I waited for you for so long, and you never came for me! I didn't see the point!" he screamed, begging for me to understand.

I did, and tried to apologize, but he stormed off.

"Go spend time with your girlfriend and Kyle; it's obvious you'd rather spend time with them!" he called angrily.

Shouting at him wouldn't have made it better, and apologizing wouldn't have either. My baby brother was stubborn, and when he believed something, it would take a long time for him to stop believing in whatever he believed in.

That night though, Pony went to bed early, and Soda followed him. I stood outside the door, listening to him cry, and was ready to go in until he started speaking.

"Why does he love Kyle more than me?!" he sobbed. "When me and Kyle got in that fight, Darry just threw me in here, and then comforted Kyle! What does he have that I don't?"

"Shh, it's okay. Of course he loves you more than Kyle; he just wants to make Martha happy," Soda tried to explain.

"So he loves Martha more than he loves us?!" he cried. I wanted to go in there and tell him that he was wrong, but his next words made me freeze.

"Kyle hit me and burnt me yesterday when we were at Martha's house, and when I tried to tell Darry he just told me to go play in the other room!"

It was silent for a moment in their room, and I assumed Pony was showing Soda the bruises and burns.

"What the hell?!" Soda exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell him as soon as we left? Or why didn't you tell me; I would have listened!"

"Because Darry's happy," was all Pony replied with, and I felt truly horrible at the moment.

I broke up with Martha, and told her little brother to keep his hands off of my baby brother. Martha tried to defend him, but I just told her to shut her face. I think I scared Kyle; he never spoke to Ponyboy, Sodapop or me ever again, and I was fine with that.

Still, I felt bad. Pony felt the need he couldn't tell me? Remembering how harshly I treated him when they got in that fight made me realize that I wouldn't have told me. Sighing to myself I looked at the picture of mom and dad. How did they manage?

XXX

The week Ponyboy went missing was when I finally realized that I'd taken him for granted for far too long.

That week was hell for both me and Soda, and even though Soda didn't directly blame me, I could see that's what he was thinking: the whole thing was my fault.

And it was; well, most of it was. I shouldn't have yelled at him, and after I hit him I realized my mistake immediately, but immediately wasn't fast enough; Pony was gone before I could apologize properly.

Instead, I yelled, "Pony, I didn't mean to!" which was exactly what he had shouted at me only a few moments before.

During the week that my baby brother was gone, Soda and I browsed through some old photos that we had found. Some of them were of the whole family, some of the gang, some of Pony, some of Soda and some of me. Pony was fairly young in all of the photos, and he looked so happy, which made me miss him more.

I had been making him sad, hadn't I? If I didn't yell as much, then Pony wouldn't have even left in the first place. But I did yell, and Pony was gone. I feared that I'd never see my baby brother again; what if he was already dead?

And on top of that, Johnny Cade was gone too. And he had been charged with murder. Pony and Soda could have been put in a boys' home, and it was all my fault.

The phone call came unexpectedly. Two-Bit grabbed it since Soda was asleep, and I was looking through some paperwork that the cops had given me.

"Ponyboy and Johnny have been found! They were in a fire!" Two-Bit shouted.

Soda and I were on our feet almost instantly. Two-Bit left to go home, leaving me and Soda to go to the hospital by ourselves. Steve was at his house, by himself.

The drive to the hospital was mainly just Soda babbling about how we were going to be reunited with our baby brother again. I nodded my head every once in a while, but I wasn't nearly as excited as Soda was; what if Pony didn't forgive me.

Once we were in the hospital and found the details were Ponyboy was, Soda raced ahead while I followed him anxiously. The night that my baby brother ran away kept replaying in my head, making me feel sick and nervous.

I ran my hand over my face when I saw Soda embrace my baby brother. He looked different: he was thinner, dirtier, and blonder than I last remembered. The blond hair confused me, but I'd ask him later; right now, I just needed him to forgive me.

"Ponyboy…" I said. He looked at me for a moment, and I was scared that I had been right all along: my baby brother still hated me. I turned away slightly, but he shouted my name and hugged me around the waist so hard I could barely breathe.

I promised myself then, that I would never take my little brothers for granted ever again. But not all of us can keep to our promises.

XXX

"I'm eighteen years old, Darry! You can't ground me!" an outraged Ponyboy yelled at me. I simply glared at him and motioned to all of the college letters scattering the table.

"I can and I will. I told you to stay in school and study, and instead you went out with Vivien. You call yourself responsible, well I'm sorry Pony; skipping class to go on a date is not responsible," I stated.

Pony hit his fist on the table in annoyance, making the letters go flying. "Hey, pick them up!" I shouted.

"No. You were my age once; you understand that I might want to skip class once in a while. Maybe I don't even want to go to college," he muttered, and I felt my face go hot.

"So after all these years, you're suddenly deciding that you don't want to go to college? Well too bad! You're going!" I screamed. Pony groaned in frustration.

"I never chose this, Darry! _You_ chose my life for me, and it's not fair! I can still study and have fun! Skipping _one_ class isn't gonna make much difference!"

"You're grounded and that's final," I said simply. Pony angrily stormed off to his room; he didn't share with Soda anymore since Soda had moved out. He only lived across the road from me and Pony, and he visited us every day with his current girlfriend, Marion.

I felt angry with Pony at this moment; didn't he appreciate anything that I had done for him? I wanted him to grow up to be something, and he was being a brat about it!

Pony came out of his room half an hour later, and he looked sorry.

"Darry, I'm sorry about what I said before," he apologized. "I just really wanted to go out with Vivien, but I'm grateful for all that you've done for me," he said, and then held his arms out for a hug.

I don't know why I refused to hug him; I just felt like he didn't deserve it. Pony looked as if he was about to start crying, but I shooed him off and told him I was busy.

I wish so much that I could have hugged him now. I was so wrong at that moment; so selfish.

He deserved a hug; he always deserved a hug. He deserved love from a father, and I didn't give that to him at that time.

I realized my selfish mistake when I was looking through the bills. One of the envelopes were different from the rest; it looked more formal and bigger. My throat felt dry, but I opened it. It was addressed to Ponyboy, but my curiosity got the best of me. I hoped it wasn't what I thought it was, but it was.

Ponyboy left for Vietnam in six weeks; my baby brother had been drafted.

XXX

Sodapop, Two-Bit and Steve came to our house every day. Even Steve couldn't deny that he wanted to make these last few weeks seem special to Pony; we might never see each other again.

I tried to shake the morbid thoughts out of my head; Pony had to be alright! I felt so bad though; I had been arguing with him over college when I should have been trying to make him happy.

Pony seemed really miserable about the whole situation, and I couldn't blame him. Soda and I were on the verge of depression after hearing that our baby brother might be leaving us for good.

I hugged and kissed him as much as I could, but the memory of me turning him away when he tried to hug me kept fading back into my mind. I felt so guilty about that, but I thought nothing of it at the time.

When we were younger, we were always taught that people older than you would die first. I assured Pony that he wouldn't be dead for a while, but now…now nobody could be sure.

Him and Vivien were still dating, and she was hanging around with him a lot more too. She was quite pretty, though she wore too much makeup for my liking. Still, she seemed like a nice girl. She was two years older than Ponyboy, which I wasn't too happy to hear when he first announced it to me. But she was so upset when Pony told her that he had been drafted, and that's when I felt like I could trust her.

I started spending a lot more time with my baby brother; I wasn't going to take him for granted when I might never see him again. He took the comfort, and was really happy when I spent time with him. This just made me feel worse though; it was obvious that I hadn't spent enough time with him before he was drafted; why would he have been so happy otherwise?

The night before my baby brother was due to leave, I found him sitting on his bed all by himself. He was shaking and crying, so my basic instincts were to go and comfort him.

"Shh, little colt. It's alright; you'll be fine," I soothed, even though I wasn't sure.

Pony clung to me like a four-year-old, reminding me of when he was just a little kid. I almost started crying, but held the tears back for the sake of my baby brother.

"I don't wanna go, Darry! I don't wanna!" he sobbed into my shirt. I rubbed his back and hushed him, telling him that I'd be here when he came home.

This seemed to calm him down, because he stopped crying and got off the bed and went to his shelves. He pulled out a book titled _'Time of Wonder'_ and held it out to me. I took it, but I was confused as to why he wanted me to read a book that was written for small children.

"Read to me, big brother," he whispered, and climbed on the bed and sat by my legs.

I looked at the clock. It read 11:50 PM. My baby brother would be leaving in less than eight hours.

"Well…" I said, pulling him closer to me and wrapping him up in the blanket. "It's almost midnight…but okay," I flipped open the book and started reading to my baby brother. I hadn't read his to him since he was five, and the memories washed through my heart. I silently cried to myself after my baby brother fell asleep next to me. Soda crept in and lay down on the other side of our baby brother, and I heard him crying too.

Ponyboy would be gone soon. My baby brother would be leaving me and Soda, and he might never come back.

XXX

Ponyboy came home from Vietnam after two years. He looked the same, but I could tell that he wasn't the same person. He no longer smiled, and he hardly ever spoke. Even though his body wasn't gone, I could see that most of his mind and heart was.

We all tried to get Pony back to his old self, but he'd seen too much in his short life to ever be sane again. The doctor said he was suffering from depression and there was no cure since he was too far gone. Pony was gone alright, and I didn't know where he was.

The doctor _assured_ us that most soldiers who served in Vietnam weren't the same as they were before they left. I wanted to crack his jaw, but decided against it.

My baby brother became a living-zombie; he walked around and occasionally ate if he really needed to, however he spent most of his days crying or vomiting. He didn't shave, he rarely showered, and couldn't be bothered getting a job – not that I blamed him.

Vivien hadn't cheated on him in the two years that he was gone, and I was thankful for that. Pony didn't seem interested in her anymore, which upset Vivien terribly. Still, she didn't give up on him; none of us did.

One day, Ponyboy went out for walk to go and get some fresh air. He told us that he might head over to Vivi's for a short while if he felt like it. None of us thought anything of it at the time; we thought that he was going to finally try and get better.

The police knocked on our door (Soda moved back in after breaking up with Marion) at 3 am and told us that Pony had overdosed on some prescription meds. Soda and I were heartbroken, however I wasn't shocked; in my mind, Pony was already gone. Maybe he was happy now, with mom, dad, Johnny and Dallas.

Maybe he was in a place where all soldiers rested peacefully, standing side-by-side, honoring each other. I could imagine him looking down at me, Soda, Steve and Two-Bit, and probably Vivien too. He'd be smiling, and mom, dad, Johnny and Dallas would all be around him, smiling aswell.

The funeral was like any other funeral, except it was in memory of my baby brother and not somebody else. He was getting buried next to mom and dad – they'd all finally be together again.

A few soldiers who had served alongside Ponyboy turned up at the service aswell. They weren't wearing their uniforms; they were just regular people; as was my baby brother.

After the service had ended, we all threw dirt on Pony's casket, and Soda and I each dropped a rose into the grave. Once he was buried, most of the people at the service, including myself, started crying. I noticed Vivien standing by his grave, and she wasn't crying though she looked very upset. I walked over to her.

"You knew about the pills, didn't you?" I asked her quietly.

Vivien didn't say anything or even look at me; she just nodded.

I wasn't angry with her; she knew as well as I did that Pony wasn't happy anymore.

"I'm pregnant," she said suddenly. Now, that did have me taken aback.

"I'm sorry?" I croaked. Vivien sighed.

"About two months ago, I thought I could make Pony better if I showed him that I really did love him. He was okay for a day or two, but then he got depressed again. I only found out last night that I was pregnant, but by then it was too late; Pony had already taken the pills and he left as soon as he'd taken them," she explained.

"Wow," was all I could respond with.

Vivien left for home, and most of the people who were at the funeral had left too, leaving me, Soda, Steve and Two-Bit once again. I knelt by my baby brother's grave, and let my tears soak up the dirt.

I regretted all the times that I had taken him for granted, and I still regret them now. One day, I'll be able to tell him that I'm sorry. But now, I had to keep living; you can't just stop living because you lose someone. Even someone who was your whole world.

XXX

It's been four days and six years, since mine and Soda's baby brother left the world for good. All of us have moved on with our lives, but there hasn't been a day where I've forgotten my baby brother's smile.

I've had my fair share of girlfriends, but currently I'm single. I enrolled in college over two years ago, and luckily it's quite close to home.

Soda moved out and got married; his wife had given birth to twins: one boy and one girl. He decided to move in just across the street again, but I didn't mind.

Vivien gave birth to Ponyboy's son, Michael, five years ago. He looked so much like his dad, and I spent a lot of my free time taking him out to the park, cooking with him or playing games with him. Vivien got married a year after Ponyboy died, and at first I felt outraged; why had she moved on so quickly?

But then I realized that she couldn't grieve for him forever; none of us could. She seemed so happy with her new husband, and I knew that Pony would have been happy for her as long as she was happy.

Last night, I agreed to look after Michael while Vivien and Arthur, her husband, went out to celebrate her birthday. Whenever Michael stays over, I usually let him stay up later than usual.

I got out some pictures of Ponyboy, and started telling him all about his dad. He'd heard tales of his deceased father before, but he didn't really know anything about him.

I told him about the time when it was Pony's fourth birthday, and he ate his entire birthday cake during the party when nobody was looking. I proceeded to tell him about his best friend Johnny, and how they used to spend all of their time together.

"Where's Johnny now?" Michael asked innocently. I gulped.

"Johnny's with your daddy now," I answered.

"Oh. Is Johnny and daddy with grandma and grandpa too?"

"Yes, and they're also with Dally, another one of Pony and Johnny's very good friends," I told him.

"Hmm," Michael sighed, and then yawned.

"Is somebody sleepy?" I questioned, tickling him slightly. His dull eyes suddenly came to life.

"No, no, of course not!" he exclaimed, and then settled down again. "Tell me another story about daddy, uncle Darry,"

I sighed, annoyed. I had been telling him stories for the past hour! But then he looked up at me, and I felt my heart go warm.

His eyes were greenish-gray, like Pony's were, and his hair was also the same shade as my baby brother's hair before he dyed it. I didn't want to make the same mistake with Michael that I did with Pony; I wasn't going to take him for granted.

"Well..." I started, getting comfortable on the bed. " _It's almost midnight…but okay,_ "

 **AN: I bring you another one-shot! I quite liked this idea, and even though it's sad, I really enjoyed writing it. Please tell me what you guys think! :D**


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